5 Ingredients For Great Christian Married Sex

Married SexAs a counselor, a common complaint I hear from Christian married couples is unsatisfactory sexuality. What makes great Christian sex? Here are 5 essential ingredients for not just healthy sex, but great Christian sex!

1. Naked and Not Ashamed

Genesis 2:25 gives the building blocks to a solid foundation of a healthy marriage and sexuality: Intimacy. Dictionary.com defines shame as “the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, and ridiculous.” Adam and Eve had just met, and yet they felt “naked and not ashamed.” There was an emotional, physical, and spiritual safety. Great sex is a by product of such intimacy between two people.

2. Fly Solo with your Spouse

The sweetest sex occurs by taking the time to nurture the relationship with one person over time. Some say staying married to the same person is boring. Quite the contrary! It becomes an adventure to walk the twists and turns with your mate on this journey called life. We get to rediscover our spouse a new over time with the added benefit of knowing them from the past.

3. Have it!

In the busyness of life, it is amazing how easy sex is neglected in married couples. This can happen in all phases of marriage: newlywed, small children, adolescent children and empty nest. Somehow we think great sex comes when everything has to be perfect: the lighting, the place, the music. These are the icing, but sometimes you just have the cake, which can be equally satisfying.

4. Pleasurable techniques

Each spouse desires to satisfy their spouse sexually, yet may feel inadequate because they may lack the practical know-how. As a counselor, I usually suggest married spouses begin with just stimulating the erogenous zones of the body – the genitals and breasts, and then begin communicating what is pleasurable. Find some resources to educate yourself on the practice of lovemaking, and implement them.

5. Communication

Communication is simply talking about everything that makes sex better. Ambience, places, technique, and frequency are good ideas to begin to discuss with your spouse. Your spouse cannot please you sexually if he/she is unaware of your preferences. You and your spouse can become the best sex coaches for your marriage if you are willing to communicate your sexual needs and desires.

What about you? Are you experiencing great sex as a Christian married couple? Perhaps you need to find some time to have sex. Or maybe you need to get some valuable resources to educate yourself on better techniques to satisfy you spouse. Are you rediscovering your spouse? Remember, God desires sex for married couples to not be good, but great!

Sex For Life

Sex For LifeOne great aspect of men growing older is that they become slightly less obsessed with their own sexual arousal and need for sexual release. Now that his own need for orgasm is less pressing, my partner is able to focus on my arousal and can bring me to orgasm through using a combination of anal and clitoral stimulation.

As a young woman I was never conscious of my own physical arousal and my body appeared to be almost innert to any stimulation from my partner. Sometime around my mid-thirties, I found that my body went through a remarkable change – it was as if my body blossomed sexually.

Even intercourse became more sensual due to increased natural lubrication (still no arousal though). From time to time, my mind gets turned on now and I am conscious of the pelvic area behind the external clitoris being swollen and physically aroused (gross but true). For the first time, I was able to enjoy my partner arousing me via manual stimulation of the clitoris.

These physical orgasms are different to those I get from masturbation when I use sexual fantasies. They are often intensely pleasurable but the increase in heart rate and breathing as well as the sense of releasing sexual emotions with the subsequent relaxation are all missing.

“Orgasms vary, both between women and for the same woman at different times. We experience different qualities of orgasm depending upon the degree and kind of stimulation we receive and also on what is going on in our minds.” (p76 Woman’s Experience of Sex 1983)

Experts sometimes try to reassure women by suggesting that orgasm is unimportant. Unfortunately, once a woman is familiar with orgasm from masturbation, she tends to assume that the whole point of sex is the sexual pleasure of orgasm (just as a man does). It is only women who are unfamiliar with orgasm that think it is unimportant.

Female orgasm is important not only because women today want to justify their participation in a sexual relationship but also because men want their partner to be turned-on by sex. Men will only enjoy the best sex once women are given the information they need to enjoy their own sexual pleasure. Lack of orgasm represents a dilemma for many modern couples.

Men’s need for sexual reassurance

I told Bruce, the sexual psychologist I went to see, that in over twenty years of investing in my sexual relationship, the only orgasms I have experienced are from anal stimulation. Bruce, quite evidently thinking that I was being overly particular, asked unsympathetically: “So what’s your problem?”

“Anal intercourse is no longer considered to be abnormal and is enjoyed by many homosexual and heterosexual couples. As long as the decision is mutual and without coercion or guilt, most professionals believe that anal intercourse is simply another way for a couple to find pleasure with each other.” (p12 Dictionary of Sexual Terms 1992)

Perhaps other less adventurous couples, who have made do with intercourse over decades, are more adept at using sexual fantasies. Perhaps other men accept a ‘lie back and think of England’ partner and use affairs to spice up their sexual fantasies. My partner wanted a lover who was positively engaged in sex and I have always considered faking to be humiliating. Some women do explore sexual pleasure, like myself, in order to keep a marriage (and family) together simply because men hope a lover will enhance their sexual arousal so that they can enjoy sex fully.

A man in his sixties, suffering from prostate cancer, was worried that he might not be able to continue to have sex. He was so depressed about losing his ability to become sexually aroused that he felt, without sex, life would not be worth living. Male sexuality, including sexual arousal and orgasm, represents not only a man’s masculinity but also his emotional foothold on the world. A long term sexual relationship provides a man with a strong sense of emotional well-being and fuels his ability to succeed in the otherwise emotion-less world of men.

Personal Change and the Importance of Goals In Overcoming Sex or Porn Addiction

Overcoming Sex or Porn AddictionThere is an old Cornish Proverb that says ‘Those who will not be ruled by the rudder must be ruled by the rock”. This is in reference to the strands of Cornwall England where so many ships were run aground or wrecked in the middle ages because they failed to navigate the passageways to get their ships safely to shore. The application to us is that if we do not listen to reason and or take control of our lives then we must suffer the consequences of just going wherever life takes us.

There is another way that this Proverb can read and that is “Those who will not be ruled by the rutter must be ruled by the rock”. What? You might say? Did I spell it wrong? Actually no and let me explain why. The word “rudder” means the vertical blade at the stern of a vessel that can be turned to guide the direction of the ship. The word “rutter” is actually a more little known word that most do not know. The word “rutter” as defined by dictionary.com as

“A descriptive atlas of the Middle Ages, giving sailing directions and providing charts showing rhumb lines and the location of ports and various coastal features.”

We may also want to define “rhumb” while we are at it: “A curve on the surface of a sphere that cuts all meridians at the same angle. It is the path taken by a vessel or aircraft that maintains a constant compass direction”.

A ship that is ruled by a “rudder” is one that is ruled by a physical or fairly rudimentary device that all ships have – they just don’t build them without them and if they did no one would buy them. The “rudder’ needs to be operated by someone to affect the ships direction and that “operator” needs to have the knowledge of “where” and “how” to turn the vessel to guide it safely to its destination.

The “rutter” really is the key to guiding the ship or vessel safely to its destination because the “rutter” or map is one that has a cumulative knowledge of those who have gone before on the same voyage and have recorded where the “rocks” and dangerous areas are and gives exact directions on the safest route to take to get to the desired destination. The “rutter” also directs the operator to the proper course to maintain a “constant compass direction”, which is important if you want to get to your destination in a timely manner and not be wandering all over the ocean!

The wisdom in this analogy is that unless we want to wander through life without a direction, a map, or “a rutter” of where we want to go then we will either never accomplish anything of any significance or the more dangerous consequence of this mind set is that we will be thrown mercilessly into the “rocks” of life and suffer greater loss, damage, death, or disease from failing to direct our lives in a safe and more desired direction!

Another famous quote to interject at this point would be:

“For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, ‘It might have been’.” John Greenleaf Whittier quotes (American Writer, 1807-1892)

To look back on our life and see love, accomplishment, success, family, friends, and wonderful memories will fill us with satisfaction and happiness. To look back on a life filled with addiction will fill us with hollow, unsatisfying, emptiness.

Goals are the key difference between these two drastically different outcomes. By designing your own personal “Rutter” to guide your life as well as following the paths to good destinations that others have forged will help anyone who is struggling with addiction or the way their life is going to change their final outcome from one of misery to one of joy, satisfaction, and happiness!

Last Longer During Sex – Explosive Tips to Have Sex Longer and Forget About Premature Ejaculation!

Premature EjaculationSo your looking for a way to last longer during sex? This is the perfect article for you! Almost 30 percent of all men will suffer from premature ejaculation during their lives. Of these men, it is mostly the younger crowd that sees the much more severe cases. It’s simple, if you want to have sex longer, you must learn to control your emotions as well as thoughts. Early ejaculation has very little to do with physicality, so don’t worry, there is nothing wrong with your penis! Read the rest of this article for a few tips on how to control how long you have sex!

First, if you want to last longer, you must learn to stop dwelling on the fact that you ejaculate too early. These thoughts are carried into the bedroom and make it almost impossible for you to enjoy sex and pleasure your partner. Being depressed about your premature ejaculation may lead to a dysfunctional relationship and even depression. During sex, sexual anxiety can cause you to ejaculate too soon. Ironically, sexual anxiety is caused mostly by the man focusing too much on ejaculating too soon while having sex!

The best thing to do in order to get your mind off of the possibility of prematurely ejaculating is to concentrate on something in the room and actually analyze in thoroughly during sex. This will help you keep your mind off of blowing your load too soon and allow you to last longer during sex. You may argue that by trying so hard not to think about ejaculating early, you are thinking about it even more. However, if you are genuinely concentrating on something else in the room, and analyzing every aspect of it and actually taking an interest in it, it is extremely difficult for your mind to focus on something else.

If you have sex without a condom, you are more likely to ejaculate quickly. For this reason, always remember to wear a condom. A condom will really help desensitize the penile shaft and allow you to have sex longer without feeling too aroused. I would not recommend using any type of spray to numb your penis in order to last longer because they may cause irritation or temporary erectile dysfunction.